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What is it about a French woman that makes her so sexy?
As a decadent domestic minx, with no small interest in being adored, I was curious to see if the answer could be found in two lipsticks and a lover? According to Helena Frith-Powell in her sharp and witty book, Two Lipsticks and a Lover, there is much more to indefinable French chic and alluring Gallic sexiness than the title suggests. Being smart, sexy and impossibly French requires effort and more than a little 'je ne sais quois.'French woman see chic and vogue as paramount. Making an effort at all times and not skimping on the details is rule number one. Leaving the house, even to take out the rubbish, will always require lip-gloss. Exquisite and expensive matching underwear is 'de rigeur' and a bad hair day is simply out of the question.
As Frith-Powell points out, “If someone is badly dressed or looks shabby, the French will not take them seriously. Letting yourself go physically is seen as a sign that you cannot hold things together intellectually. The big thing is the souci de soi, or care for oneself, in every way. This means brains and looks; you can’t let yourself go and be intellectually rigorous. In other words, the French would rather forgive an extra-marital affair than a bad hair cut.”
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The whole notion of freedom is deeply inscribed in the French psyche. Marrying and then misbehaving is seen as being free. For French women, sex and seduction are part of a repertoire that ensures her success and social standing. It is important that men adore them. Infidelity can be justified. If a woman is in love, anything is excusable. No one will condemn her; in fact, they are more likely to condemn unfulfilled love. Love and lust excuse any conduct.
Sacre bleu! Coco Chanel would no doubt agree. Elegance may be refusal but passion is an overwhelming “OUI, OUI, OUI.” The domestic minx says 'Oui' to French chic, 'Oui' to liberte, and 'Oui' to two lipsticks and a lover, although I must say two seems hardly enough…
Source: Claire Carroll
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Having sex for the first time after amnesia was like the real first time, but without Journey playing in the background.
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First-time sex can be painful for a woman and additional lubrication can reduce her discomfort. Have a bottle open and ready next to your bed. You don't want to stop in the middle of kissing her earlobes or going down on her to extricate a KY bottle from its wrapping. In fact, you sometimes need a pair of small scissors to get the wrapping off. So do that before -- and make sure the condoms are also ready. Some of us slip our supplies under the pillow when nobody's looking.
If she's in pain the first time you have intercourse -- despite generous amounts of lubricant -- premature ejaculation is more than diplomatic. The awkwardness of first intercourse is real but overstated because first-time intercourse can be rather brief! To reduce discomfort when a man enters her for the first time, she can breathe slowly through her mouth into her abdomen. This is a relaxation technique for body and mind, used by non-virgins when challenged by a man's size or ardor.
It has been one hell of a long V-day -- several weeks long and counting, in fact. What with all those vagina monologues speaking their collective minds across the country -- and sometimes being rudely gagged with "hoohaa" -- well, it's enough to induce a dry spell. But maybe I'm just part of a disturbing undercurrent of women who studies show would rather get a new wardrobe, have a good dinner or even answer their cellphones than make mad, passionate, mind-expanding luv. (Who knows what other studies are on the way: sex vs. a leisurely toilet scrubbing? A chat with the tax accountant? An especially engrossing PTA meeting?)
But amid all the cheesy surveys and hand-wringing talk shows, there has been a bright spot in the discussion of lackadaisical libidos. Last week's review of the Joan Sewell memoir "I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido" (subscription required to read the full article) by Sandra Tsing Loh hit just the right notes of self-deprecating ennui and tart commentary.
Sewell argues that women's libido is an issue because as a society we've all bought into some generic notion of a "healthy sex life" -- modeled on keeping the male libido well served. "No one is trying to lower men's sex drives," Sewell writes. "I don't hear, 'Doctor, my sex drive is too high. Please, do something about it. I feel guilty and ashamed that I don't want less sex. It's killing my marriage.'"
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Sewell considers the perspective that women naturally may have a lower libido than men as a result of their hormones -- a notion that may or may not have merit but that I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot speculum. Indeed, the wages of low libido for a man may be even more excruciating, as evidenced by a confessional from one guilt-wracked husband and Salon writer who took comfort in an American Medical Association study that found 15 percent of men ages 18 to 59 have low sexual desire.
Libido wars aside, it's worth looking at the ways sex has become a weird new kind of orthodoxy -- promoted as the solution to so many ills and even illnesses. I ran headlong into this reverse prudery a few years ago, months after having my first child, when a friend who happened to be a male Ph.D. in psychology was talking about another couple we knew and implied that because they weren't having sex multiple times a week, their relationship was as good as toast. When I told him that was no big deal, he seemed visibly concerned: Did I have sex three times a week? No? Twice a week? Say it isn't so! When I admitted that I wasn't keeping track, his face was filled with pity and something hovering between revolt and horror. This was a man who made his living supposedly helping people with their intimate relationships. Luckily, I knew he was a complete loser when it came to practicing what he preached, but had I been his patient and not his friend, his opinion might have convinced me that only regularly scheduled copulation would save my marriage from an early death.
At the time I was too sleep deprived and annoyed to get into it, but reading Tsing Loh, I suddenly know what I wish I'd said: "Even with all the massage oil and E-Zone handbooks in the world, sex is much too mysteriously volatile an activity for even loving men and women to have to have together, all the time ... Rather than trying to rate oneself on one's ability to hit regular marks on an abstract calendar, members of both sexes could well find this to be true liberation."
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According to Tierney, who in turn is paraphrasing this article from the Archives of Sexual Behavior, there are at least 237 reasons that people have sex. They include, in no particular order, "to feel closer to God," "because I was drunk," or to "burn calories," "get rid of a headache," "fall asleep," "keep warm" or "change the topic of conversation."
Luckily the top reason was still "I was attracted to the person" -- and fun, love and emotional connections were also among the top reasons listed. But still, people. "It seemed like a good way to burn calories"? Can't we at least pretend to be a little bit romantic?
Tierney points out that while the list supports some stereotypes -- for instance, women are more likely than men to cite emotional reasons for having sex -- it contradicts others. Whereas women are more likely to be thought of as having sex to boost their social status or win raises and promotions, the study's findings "suggest that men do these things more than women," one of its authors reports. (Then again, Tierney reports that men have sex "because the opportunity presented itself" more often than women -- so who knows what their deeper motivations truly are.)
Personally, I think it's less important to understand the myriad reasons people might have for fornicating than it is to make sure that your partner's reasons match your own. In other words, if one of you is getting busy because you're too lazy to reach for an Advil, and the other is hoping for a spiritual connection with God, you're probably going to end up with headaches even the most powerful orgasm can't relieve.
But for those of you out there who are fascinated by the possibilities (and feel that 237 is not a long enough list), Tierney is encouraging readers to supply the 238th reason to have sex. Click on his Tierney Lab to participate -- but keep in mind that "because I wanted to have my comments posted on the New York Times' Web page" is not an appropriate reason to scromp.
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